P.C. Shannon

Lawyers bill their time in six-minute (one tenth of an hour) increments. Performance is judged largely on how many hours you bill in a year, and bonuses are tied to reaching some goal for billable hours—that goal is typically a very large fraction of the number of hours a normal person works in a year, sometimes more. In other words, there’s a great deal of pressure on lawyers to maximize their productivity and bill as many hours as possible. So what I saw in the bathroom today shouldn’t be much of a surprise.

The dude at the urinal next to me had brought reading material with him! It was something he had printed out, and I can only assume it was work-related. That way, he could bill for the time he spent walking to and from the restroom, plus the time he spent doing his business, instead of clocking out and wasting that tenth. Talk about maximizing your productivity.

I can’t go without mentioning that he was using both hands to hold his printout. Yes, cobra was telling a yellow story all on its own. (Sorry, but that was the most clever phrase I could coin. Sad.) Now I’ve always thought that he number of hands one uses to hold his dick whilst pissing was inversely proportional to one’s, er… I was going to say “cockiness” but I’ll go with arrogance. I think this just bears me out.